but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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