Plan B is the new Plan A
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
