Define "chronic" masturbator.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
