he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
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Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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