i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
