What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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