I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
