i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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