I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
