did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
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well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
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Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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