Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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