oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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