youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
