You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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