do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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