listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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