Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Found your dick twin last night
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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