took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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