he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
