Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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