so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
