So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
