But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
