even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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