So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
