The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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