i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
