Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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