You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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