This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
