Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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