I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
