i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm too high and old for this...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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