So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
