You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
