i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
