Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
