it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
