She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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