my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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