walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
