i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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