I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Green mimosas i think yes
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
