I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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