I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
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