she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
