i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
