This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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