My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
