Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
do nipples grow back?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
