he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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