shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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