I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
