So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
