areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
