can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
