census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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