Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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