I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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