she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
