Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
