as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
