Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize