why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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