Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
