he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
