Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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