Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
