He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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