the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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