dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
