Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Alive.
So much puke
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
