i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
