Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize