Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
